Danielle Savory and her husband were naked in bed one recent afternoon when they heard the unsexiest of sounds: a Harry Potter audiobook being played at peak volume by their 10-year-old daughter.
The couple turned up the air conditioner to try to drown it out. When that didn’t work, they added a white noise machine. Then they got back to the business at hand—and missed hearing their older daughter, age 13, enter the room.
“I just wanted to ask you if it’s OK to bake macaroons,” Savory says her daughter asked. She and her husband dove under the covers.
Ever feel as if sex is everywhere in the summer but in your bedroom?
We’re wearing skimpier clothes, drinking stronger cocktails, getting some sun and delighting in a seductive breeze on our shoulders. And everywhere we look there seems to be an advertisement featuring beers, beaches and bikinis.
No wonder there’s a spike in interest in sexual activity in the summer, seen in everything from condom sales to online searches related to pornography and dating, research shows.
Yet summer can be cruel. (Just ask Taylor Swift !) Kids home from school and the stress of juggling work with vacations are powerful mood killers. Never mind the sticky, gross weather that makes us desperate to move to the guest room . And this summer we’ve got a new source of stress: the whiplash of a turbulent presidential race .
“It’s hard to feel sexy when your nervous system is in a constant state of panic,” says Candice Hargons , a counseling psychologist and associate professor at Emory University’s school of public health, whose work focuses on sexual wellness.
Making matters worse: We’re sure everyone is having more—and better—sex than we are!
People reported having sex an average 5.6 times a month, or just more than once a week, according to a soon-to-be-published, nationally representative study of 1,500 Americans ages 18 to 88 from the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University. Yet there is a great deal of variation among individuals: About a third of people surveyed said they don’t have sex in a typical month; 30% said they have sex between one and four times; and 29% said they have sex between five and 16 times. The final 8% reported having sex more than 17 times a month.
The study also found that almost half of sexually active Americans are dissatisfied with the amount of sex they’re having. Most of those people said they’d like to have more.
“A lot of people feel pressure to be having more sex,” says Justin Lehmiller , a social psychologist and research fellow at Kinsey, who conducted the research.
If you’d like to boost your sex life this summer, here’s some advice.
Shift your focus
Doom scrolling isn’t sexy, especially these days. It keeps your nervous system in a constant state of fight or flight.
Find something sensual to watch or listen to instead, such as your favorite turn-me-on music, a podcast about sex or an erotic audiobook. You can do this regularly throughout the day, while you’re taking a walk or making dinner. “You’re priming yourself to feel sexy,” says Emory’s Hargons.
And, for heaven’s sake, put away your phone when you’re in the bedroom. Give your partner your full attention.
Wear something that makes you feel sexy
When you feel good, you’re more likely to get in the mood. Dress up, as you would for a date. Bare a little skin. The feel of a summer breeze on your shoulder can be an erotic trigger.
“Dress for the sex life you want to have,” says Kinsey’s Lehmiller.
Do something new or exciting together
Research shows that novelty activates the brain’s reward system, flooding it with neurochemicals related to pleasure and bonding. And our enthusiasm about the activity often transfers to the person we’re doing it with. “Strong emotions can amplify sexual arousal,” Lehmiller says.
You don’t have to zip line across a gorge or ride the Iron Menace roller coaster. (Although the more excitement, the bigger the boost, Lehmiller says.) Consider a bike ride in a different neighborhood or a picnic in the park.
Get some sun
It makes you feel good. And it helps our bodies produce vitamin D, which might help improve our sexual functioning , says Sari Cooper , a certified sex therapist in New York. Low vitamin D may cause lower testosterone levels in men and lower sexual desire and satisfaction in women.
So put on some sunscreen and get outside. And get active while you’re at it. Exercise gets your blood flowing and boosts your self-esteem, Cooper says.
Savory, of the Harry Potter mishap, has thought a lot about how to keep the spark alive in the summer. She’s a sex coach for women who also hosts a podcast on the subject. To spice up her own life, she likes to wear sundresses that make her feel sensual and read steamy novels to get in the mood.
She and her husband, who have been married 15 years and both work from home, plan ahead for sex, scheduling “important meetings” at least once a week, typically in the afternoon. “The kids stay up later in the summer, and I’m too tired at night,” says Savory, 42, who lives in Portland, Ore.
Beforehand, they tell their daughters: “Mom and dad need to take a nap. Please don’t disturb us.” (The girls have powered through “Anne of Green Gables,” “Little Women” and several audiobook series this summer!)
The couple have a few summer rules: No phones in the bedroom. No alcohol; if they have plans to meet friends for dinner, they’ll have sex before they go. And no pressure.
“If we get interrupted or it doesn’t work out, we can use the sexual tension to build our desire for the next time,” she says.
Write to Elizabeth Bernstein at Elizabeth.Bernstein@wsj.com
